Facing the Past
by FangBreath
Summary: Jess POV. AU Future Fic. Jess goes back to face his past...and Rory. RJ Chapter 9 Up!
1. Memories

Disclaimer: If Gilmore Girls was mine, Jess would have never left. Apparently it's not.  
  
Author's Note: This fic contains SPOILERS for seasons 2 - 4. I know that everyone knows about all the events in this chapter, but this is just the background story from Jess' point of view. Please review! Constructive criticism is always welcome, but please no flames.  
  
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I was new in town. I didn't know anyone, and I didn't plan on knowing anyone; then I saw her. Her smiling face, slender figure, and long chestnut hair are what initially attracted me to her; but her loving personality locked me in. From the moment she discovered the stolen book I knew I loved her. She was - and still is - witty, smart, beautiful, and most importantly: she didn't judge me. That is why I love her and, ironically enough, it's also why I left.  
  
People in this town think I'm stupid. They could not be more wrong. I left because I'm not stupid. I left because she couldn't. She was too swept up in everything that was happening to notice how bad for her I really was. I can't blame her for that, though. I was also starting believe it would work out between us. We were "star-crossed lovers" in a way. The town was her Capulet and my screwed up past was my Montague. I wanted to believe - as corny as it sounds - that our love would be enough. But love is never enough.  
  
No one in town was at all surprised when things began to crumble, but it hit the two of us like an avalanche. We were in shock when it happened, so much so that we pretended that it didn't; we pretended that our worlds weren't collapsing. That only made it worse.  
  
Ignoring the problem definitely didn't make it go away. Instead, it brought tensions between us to an all time high. During that time, we had a month of awkward conversations that intentionally danced around the topic of our rocky relationship.  
  
Then, one night when we were at a party, I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't want to pretend anymore. The facade we kept up was wearing away on my already jaded heart. It was the wrong thing to do, I know that now. But it was the only thing I could think of to drive her away for good. I wanted her to hate me because I hated myself. I pressured her to have sex with me. Not verbally, of course, but physically. I knew how she would respond. Then I left. It was one of the hardest things I had to do.  
  
I left for Venice, California, blindly hoping my dad would help me somehow. The extent of his help was giving me a place to crash for a few nights. After that, I took a bus back to the east coast. I lived with Liz until I heard the news about my car. I guess I was going back to Stars Hollow.  
  
There were two places in the whole world that I never wanted to go. The first was prison. The second was Stars Hollow. There was too much false hope there, too many shattered dreams. My plan was to slip in and take back my car, completely unnoticed. It worked too, but only for a while. I was well out of the dreaded town when fate intervened the car broke down. I can't even remember how many times I cursed the car and Luke for not taking care of the car, but it most likely reached the triple digits. My luck got worse when the cops came by and took me back to the very place I was trying to get away from. Apparently, Luke reported the car stolen. Great. When I heard that my car wouldn't be fixed until the end of the day, it took all my will power not to have a panic attack. In such a small town, it would be impossible to not see Rory. I wanted to avoid her, but my need to see her won out. I felt I had to explain myself. I went to all the places I knew she would be.  
  
I knew she would avoid Luke's, thinking I was there, so I went to the other coffee shop in town. My plan was to face her when she walked through the door. That plan went straight to hell when she laid eyes on me. The look in her eyes was much to painful to face. I couldn't handle acknowledging that just by being there I was causing her pain. So I did what I do best, I ran. It's not one of my finest moments.  
  
I walked around for a long time after that, prepping for our next meeting. I walked down the street with my hands in pockets going over what I was going to say. People must've thought I was crazy, talking to myself and all. I didn't - and still don't - care what people thought about me.  
  
Her next stop would be the book store. I knew Rory Gilmore could not go one day without stopping to look at the books, even if it was just for a moment. I planted myself behind a bookshelf and pulled out a book to read. I remember her looking at me in disbelief. I saw a panic in her eyes and began to panic. So once again I did what I do best, I ran.  
  
The car was ready later that night. I regretted not telling her why I left, not explaining to her that it was for the best; but I wasn't going to see her anymore and I was too much of chicken to seek her out. I stepped into the car and found the cash Luke gave me. I cursed his stubborn personality before heading to Luke's to take it back. The man could not take no for an answer. I was too proud to except his help.  
  
By some twist of fate, I saw her on my way to Luke's. She was standing there wearing a beautiful, overly-fancy dress. She spotted me almost instantly causing me to stop in my tracks. Then she did something that I couldn't have predicted in a thousand years, she ran. This was my last chance to explain myself and I was not going to miss it. I ran after her. It must've been funny watching us run down the street screaming like maniacs. I finally caught up to her and she was in no mood for games. I wanted to justify my actions to her, but I froze like a first-grader forced to recite an epic poem in front of the class. I simply said "I love you" and, yet again, ran. But this time I spoke to her. I still remember the "deer in the headlights" look on her face as I drove off into the night, never to return again.  
  
Until now.  
  
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So what did you think? Review and tell me if I should continue or if I should just forget all about it. =) 


	2. Time Warp Town

AN: Thanks to everyone for all the great reviews. This chapter isn't as angst-y as the last one, sorry in advance. Remember, the "review" button is your friend. =D  
  
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I probably didn't blend in very well driving through Stars Hollow in my 1969 Chevy Z/28 Camaro. I couldn't exactly leave it behind. That was my dream car. Jimmy bought it for me when he heard I graduated from college. I don't know how he could've afford it, but I wasn't about to ask.  
  
I can't say I was surprised by what I saw. In fact, I expected it. Six years later and that giant gossip column of a town hadn't changed a bit. It was like all of Stars Hollow went through a time warp. I chuckled at the thought and headed for Luke's. I had a debt to repay to him.  
  
When I got there he was out buying supplies, and most likely fighting with Taylor. I decided to take that opportunity to sit down and finish typing my story on my laptop.  
  
I was a staff writer for the New York Times. That's right, I didn't fail in life like everyone predicted. I got my life together and graduated from high school. I went to the University of New York, Albany. I majored in creative writing and minored in journalism. My current job was just a means to an end. I wanted to write a book, like the great Ernest Hemingway or Charles Dickens.  
  
I was so focused on my writing that I didn't even notice when Luke came in.  
  
"This isn't an internet café. Put the laptop away," he said in his signature grumpy voice.  
  
I couldn't hide a smirk from appearing on my face. Luke hadn't changed at all.  
  
"Luke, you should really join everyone in the 21st century." I watched him turn around and stare at me in disbelief.  
  
"Jess? What do you want?" He assumed I wanted something, that I couldn't just come for a visit. I can't really blame him. It must've been tough dealing with the bullshit that was my late teens.  
  
I fingered an envelope in my hands nervously. "Actually, I wanted to give you this."  
  
He looked at it warily, not saying a word or making any move to take it.  
  
"It's not going to bite you. Take it." Outside, I kept up a calm, nonchalant expression. Inside, I was growing worried. What if he didn't take it? What if he really couldn't forgive me? I wanted him to forgive me more than I realized. After all, he was one of the only people who believed in me at a time when I didn't even believe in myself.  
  
Finally, after what seemed like hours, he took the white envelope from my hands.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Open it." I watched him open the envelope and pull out the stack of money. I saw his forehead wrinkle in confusion. "It's the money you lent me the day I left. I know it's a little late, but I wanted to pay it back."  
  
His look of confusion changed into a look of more confusion. I could tell when the lightbulb went on in his head as he remembered the incident.  
  
"Jess, you don't have to do that. I gave you the money, I didn't lend it to you." He had the look that I had named "Modest Luke" on his face. The one where he scrunches up his face, tilts his head, squirms a little bit, and fights a smile.  
  
"Take it. It's all payed back. All $250 are in there." He took it and put in under the counter.  
  
He turned to me with a serious look on his face. "You didn't come here just to pay me back. Tell me the truth, why did you really come back?"  
  
He didn't know just how complicated that question was. I too was still trying to find the answer. This town was just so full of memories, happy and sad. The truth is I had no idea why I came back, but I remained silent, knowing that was not the answer Luke wanted to hear.  
  
When I remained quiet, he assumed what anyone would have. "She's engaged." His eyes were full of...pity? He honestly thought I came back for someone I had been with six years ago.  
  
"Who?" I played dumb out of habit. But my act didn't fool Luke, he knew me too well.  
  
"Don't play games, Jess. You know who I'm talking about."  
  
"It was six years ago, Luke. I've gotten over it."  
  
He shrugged his shoulders. "If you say so."  
  
Not only did I say so, I believed so. I fully believed that I was over her and vise versa.  
  
I decided to change the subject. "Listen, is the Independence Inn still around? I need a place to stay."  
  
He looked as if he was about to say something, but decided against it. I already knew what he was going to say. He was going to suggest that I stay with him, but he didn't. He knew as well as I did that the two of us living together, for any amount of time, was a bad idea.  
  
"No, it's not. There's a new place, it's called the Dragonfly." He hesitated for a moment. "Lorelai owns it."  
  
She couldn't still be nursing a grudge for me after six years, could she? Unless I wanted to sleep in my car, I had to take my chances with her.  
  
"Where is it?" Luke nodded and wrote down the directions. As if I needed directions in a town like Stars Hollow. I'm sure if I circled the town long enough I would find the inn. I took the directions from him anyway. "Thanks."  
  
"Don't mention it." He waved me off.  
  
Ah. Awkward silences. "So, I guess I'll see you later."  
  
"Yeah. You know where to find me."  
  
With that I headed out the door. When I was out of Luke's hearing range, I let out a huge sigh of relief. That wasn't so hard. I got into my car and drove off to the Dragonfly Inn. As strange as the comparison may seem, coming back to this town was like playing a game. The fist level is easy, but the difficulty rises with every new development.  
  
I arrived at the inn and parked my car. I stood in front of the house-like building and tried to summon the courage to enter.  
  
Level two was about to begin.  
  
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Ok you've finished reading chapter two! What are you going to do now? (This is the part where you review.) Tell me what you think and if I should continue. =) BTW I thought the car seemed like something Jess would drive. 


	3. Nostalgia

AN: I actually rewrote this chapter about three times, but I wasn't happy with those versions. So here's the final cut.  
  
Siren: I haven't been inspired to write Alias, but as soon as I do I'll let you know.  
  
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The more I thought about entering the inn and facing Lorelai, the more scary it seemed. I seriously considered sleeping in my car. I even walked back and forth between the porch and my car more than once. The only justification for this is that Lorelai made me nervous. I didn't mind watching her talk to other people, she was always nice to them; but the minute she even looked at me the claws and fangs came out. I'm sure that if she concentrated hard enough she could freeze me in place with her icy eyes.  
  
I can't say that I didn't deserve it. I was a class "A" asshole to her. She gave me a chance when I first came to Stars Hollow. I did a whole bunch of shitty things to Lorelai. I told her off...a lot. I broke her daughter, outside and inside. I picked up and left, without so much as a goodbye to her daughter. The list goes on from there.  
  
With that stellar list, she had every right to refuse service to me. If she did that, then I would definitely be sleeping in my car because that was most likely the only hotel in Stars Hollow. I mentally slapped myself. Why did I have to be such a dick?  
  
It took me a half hour to summon the courage to open the door. A few people were scattered around the lobby. A Frenchman was following Lorlelai around the room, complaining to her about a costumer.  
  
"No, Michel, we can't kick him out of the inn. I don't care how much he complains."  
  
"But Lorelai! You don't have to deal with it. Every hour he calls the front desk and says 'There aren't enough pillow mints. The coffee isn't hot enough.'"  
  
"He is in the most expensive room. As long as he pays he can have a million pillow mints and boiling coffee for all I care."  
  
The Frenchman than walked away grumbling something about spoiled guests.  
  
I cracked a smile at the display. As amusing as it was, I knew I couldn't stay invisible forever. Her eyes iced over when she spotted me. My smile faded as she sped toward me at a scary speed.  
  
"What the hell are you doing here?!" The people in the lobby watched us. Dinner and a show.  
  
"Nice to see you too, Lorelai." I snapped. I put on a nonchalant mask.  
  
She scoffed. "You've got some nerve coming in here." I watched her closely. She never blinked once.  
  
"I"m sorry, I didn't see the 'No Jess' sign outside." I didn't want to start a fight with her, but it was just an instinct. She challenged me, so I responded accordingly.  
  
"I didn't think you'd have the guts to come back, especially after that disappearing act you pulled." "Yeah well, I'm full of surprises." I wanted to stop fighting with her. I wanted to put this behind us, but I couldn't stop myself from being an ass.  
  
She looked at my bag. "You can't seriously think you're going to stay here."  
  
As nice as my car was, I didn't look forward to sleeping in it. I was getting desperate. "I'd be a paying costumer. You won't even know I'm here. It's been six years Lorelai." It killed me to plead, but I didn't have a choice.  
  
"You just fought with me in front of my guests. It may be six years since you left, but that doesn't mean that you've changed. Go find another place to stay."  
  
She walked away from me. I stood there for a minute, too stunned to move. I felt like I was eighteen again with no place to stay. The difference was, I wasn't eighteen. I left the hotel and drove to back to Luke's. I wasn't going to ask him for help. I was just going to have some coffee and think of a solution to my problem.  
  
I got to Luke's and opened my laptop. The internet always has solutions to these kinds of problems. I was hoping I would find a hotel close-by. I typed in "Stars Hollow" in the search box. I chuckled and cursed under my breath when I saw the results. As it turns out, Stars Hollow, Connecticut did not exist on the internet. Talk about old fashioned.  
  
"What are you doing back here?"  
  
I jumped at the disturbance. I was so focused on the search results that I didn't notice Luke.  
  
I didn't want to tell him about the Lorelai incident. The last thing I needed was for him to worry about me.  
  
"I...uh..I was in the mood for some...coffee." Oh yeah, real smooth.  
  
He looked at me strangely, but shook it off and poured me a cup.  
  
"Thanks Luke."  
  
I continued my search. I went on every travel website I could think of. I looked for Stars Hollow individually. I Googled it, I Yahooed it, I Asked Jeeves for it. It was no use. This town lived in the 18th century. The only hotel I could find was twenty miles from Stars Hollow. I was just about to reserve a room when I heard something that made me freeze.  
  
"Jess?"  
  
I didn't want to look at her. I was afraid of what would happen if I did. Would her eyes be cold? Would she be hurt? Would she be happy to see me? Would she hate me? The last question was what scared me the most. I wanted to pretend I didn't here her, but she had already spotted me. I was afraid to turn around.  
  
"Hi Rory," my voice came out weaker than I had hoped.  
  
"What are you doing here?"  
  
I finally got the courage to look at her. She didn't look mad or sad, but happy. She was actually happy to see me. Like an old friend. She looked the same as the last time I had seen her, except slightly older and a lot wiser.  
  
"That seems to be a popular question." I motioned for her to sit down and she did. "I'm just here for a visit."  
  
She nodded. "For how long?"  
  
"I don't know. It was a spur of the moment kind of thing."  
  
"So what have you been up to?" I was surprised she cared. If I were her I would have slapped me. I guess that's the difference between her and me.  
  
"Nothing much. Do you still live here?" I didn't feel comfortable talking about myself. I didn't want to make it look like I came here just to brag.  
  
"Only on the weekends. I actually live in Hartford with Alex. Where are you living?" She choked out the "Alex" part. I could only assume Alex was her fiancé.  
  
"I live in New York. Alex is your fiancé, right?" I could've made it hard for her. I could've made her tell me Alex was, but that would be cruel.  
  
Her eyes widened. "How did you know?"  
  
"Luke told me. Congratulations." I really was happy for her. It wasn't like I was the jealous ex-boyfriend coming to take back his girl. That would be pathetic.  
  
"Thanks. So do you know where you're going to stay yet?" She asked with genuine concern in her voice. Rory was always genuine. I smiled fondly at the thought.  
  
"No, I haven't." I pointed to my laptop. "That's actually what I'm doing right now." "I could save you the time. My mom runs an inn called the dragonfly. I'll call her right now and ask her if you can stay."  
  
I imagine my eyes were wide with panic. I didn't want Rory to worry about me and I sure as hell didn't want to come between her and her mother again. I lunged forward causing her to yelp. "No!...I mean...I'll figure something out. Don't worry about me."  
  
She looked at me strangely. "What's wrong?"  
  
I saved myself before she thought I had gone crazy. "Nothing. I just don't want you to worry about me."  
  
"Ok. But if you don't find a place to stay, then you can stay with me." She smiled at me.  
  
I smiled back. "Thanks. That's nice of you."  
  
"Well I am the queen of nice," she said playfully.  
  
"Apparently, you're also the queen of arrogance," I joked. It was nice to joke with her again. I didn't realize how much I had missed it.  
  
Her mouth widened in mock-offence. "I'm not arrogant, I'm just self- confident."  
  
"If that's what you want to call it..."  
  
She playfully hit me on the arm. We both laughed, thinking of old times.  
  
I heard the door opening in the background, but I didn't pay attention to it. Rory did. Her eyes brightened when a man about my height with light hair walked through.  
  
"Hi," Rory said to him.  
  
"Hey babe," he said as he gave her a quick kiss. He looked at me with an holier-then-thou gleam in his eyes. "Who are you?"  
  
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AN: So what did you think? I'll get the next chapter up as soon as I can. =) 


	4. The Fiance

AN: Part 4 finally up! Took me long enough.  
  
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I ignored his arrogance and extended my hand to him. "Hi, I'm Jess, Rory's old..."  
  
"Friend!" Rory interrupted me abruptly. "Jess is my old friend."  
  
I raised a curious eyebrow in her direction when Alex wasn't looking. She pretended not to notice, which probably meant Alex was the jealous type.  
  
Alex shook my hand. "Hi, Jess. I'm Alex, Rory's fiancé."  
  
"Yeah, I heard she was engaged. Congratulations."  
  
"Thanks." He looked at Rory and then back at me, clapping his hands together casually. "Well, we better get going. It was nice meeting you."  
  
"Likewise."  
  
She hesitated for a moment. "Go ahead, Alex, I'll catch up."  
  
He eyed me suspiciously. "No, it's Ok, I'll wait." He slowly made himself comfortable at a table near the exit.  
  
Rory had a touch of annoyance in her eyes, but it was almost undetectable. She spoke in a quiet voice. "Here's my cell and house number. Call me if you need anything. Tell me where you end up staying." She discreetly put the folded paper in my hand and slipped out the door with her future husband.  
  
Future husband. The thought stopped me in my tracks. How could my Rory Gilmore be getting married? Even if a lot of time had passed and she wasn't technically mine, I couldn't believe she was getting married. When we were dating I was sure that I would marry her. I was sure that she was the one that I would spend my entire life with. Even if I was over her, it still hurt to know that my first real love was getting married to someone that was not me.  
  
"Jess!" Luke snapped me out of my daze.  
  
"What?" I quietly responded, still half dazed.  
  
"Do you want some more coffee?"  
  
"Yeah, sure, why not." I held out my mug.  
  
Luke walked over and sat at my table. "So what did Rory give you?" He motioned toward my clenched hand.  
  
Maybe Rory wasn't as discreet as she thought she was. I hoped Alex didn't see it. Not that there was anything to hide, but for Rory's sake. The last thing I wanted was to make her life harder by stirring up trouble with her fiancé.  
  
"Oh. It's her number."  
  
Luke nodded. "Speaking of, do they have phones in New York? Or postal service?"  
  
I winced at his bitterness. I knew this would come up eventually. "Sorry Luke," I said lamely.  
  
"Six years and not a word. You could've been dead and I wouldn't have known about it." His eyes were full of hurt.  
  
The truth is, I didn't call him because I was too ashamed. I knew all too well that I failed him. I was also mad at him. I was mad that he made me care what he thought, he made me love him enough to make him proud. He was the only father figure I had ever had and my heart wrenched every time he looked at me with disappointment in his eyes, knowing I deserved it.  
  
He sensed my lack of comfort and changed the subject. "So you met the fiancé?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
My mind drifted to the word "fiancé". Rory had a fiancé. They were engaged to be married soon. They were happy and in love. They were going to spend the rest of their lives together. I always thought it would be me instead of him. I still had no intention of wreaking my havoc and breaking them up. If Rory was happy, then I was happy.  
  
Still, my entire way of thinking had been blown out of the water by this startling realization. I was still uneasy about the situation. Maybe a walk through the town would clear my senses. I packed up my laptop and headed for the exit.  
  
"Where are you going?" Luke asked.  
  
I chuckled and gave him the bona fide "Jess" answer. "Out."  
  
He smiled and shook his head, watching me walk down the street.  
  
I sighed as I looked around at the ageless town. Time to reacquaint myself with the villagers, though they probably already knew I was there.  
  
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AN: I'm sorry for the shortness of the chapter. I've been having a major creative dry spell and it's driving me insane. This Southern California heat wave isn't helping either. =P Hope you liked it! Please review and make my day! =D 


	5. The One That Got Away

AN: I know it's been a year since my last update, but I've been distracted. So anyway, I decided to continue this, but I don't really know where I'm going with it. Nothing from season 5 and on has happened in this story. BTW there's a reference to SNL in there, I couldn't resist. Read on.

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Wow, had I even left? The town really was the same, with the exception of one or two new shops. I could feel the inquiring stares of the townspeople burning holes in my skin with every step, but I kept walking. In a way, it was nice coming back to a small town, to a place where everybody knew my name. And yet, it was unpleasant for the same reason. All of a sudden I felt awkward, the stares were becoming increasingly uncomfortable as I realized that they were coming from people who knew about my passed. Their eyes were not only filled with curiosity, but also with accusation and judgment. In my mind, the environment around me was quickly turning hostile, the stares were turning malicious. I had to get out, I had to get away from the relentless stares.

I turned onto the nearest residential street and sighed in relief. No one was walking in my general direction anymore. I definitely was not crazy, I think some of those stares really were hostile. It makes sense really, considering where and who I am. As I continued to walk down the street I noticed the Gilmore house appearing in the distance. I considered turning back but decided against it; the street of my rare psychotic episode was not where I wanted to be, and besides, it'd be interesting to walk by a more memorable aspect of Memory Lane.

The house was just the same as I remembered, except somehow it seemed to get more cheerful with age. I stopped in front of it and basked in thoughts of years ago. I thought back to the first time I met the Gilmores, and the dinner fiasco that followed.

But before I could think of more things to reminisce on, something caught my attention. I saw a man, one I'd never seen before, through the window in Lorelai's room. He was rummaging through something that I assumed to be a dresser, but I could not see it clearly. One thing was for certain: his speediness, his jitteriness, and his manic rummaging all added up to one thing, he was a thief.

I thought for a moment. Should I go in and stop him? Should I walk away and pretend I saw nothing? Thoughts like this were rushing through my mind, but in the end I knew I had no choice. I knew I had to go in there and beat the shit out of him if that's what it would take. Just because I was over Rory and battling Lorelai didn't mean I could simply let some crook take their stuff.

I ran in through the open door and snuck up to Lorelai's room where I had last seen him, but he was nowhere to be found. I began to search the other havocked rooms when I heard a creak on the coming from the stairs. I began to walk down, but when I was halfway I heard another suspicious noise. I turned around and he was right in my face. In one fluent movement he knocked me down the stairs. I remember seeing the mix of fear and malice on his face as he pushed me and ran for the door. Maybe I should have thought this through, I thought before the darkness set in.

I opened my eyes to a bright light, too bright, and a beeping noise in the background. One quick glance around the room verified that I was in fact in a hospital room. The day's events sped through my mind; the house, the robber, the stairs. Being the hospital bed all of sudden made sense. I took a hard fall. The pain from my injuries made itself known and I winced. Not even back for a day and I was already in the hospital.

Just then I heard the door open and glanced up to see Lorelai Gilmore peek through the door. Odd.

"Hi, can I come in?" Her voice sounded weak. I nodded.

"Luke was here a minute ago, he'll probably drop by later."

There was an awkward silence during which Lorelai seemed to be very interested in her shoes.

"So I heard you played 'cops and robbers' earlier today."

"You know, I was never really good at that game."

"It shows. He got away, but I don't think he stole anything big. He must have dropped most of it after he...you know." She made a pushing gesture with her hands.

"Yeah, I remember, I was there."

"When are they letting you out?"

"I don't know." I turned to the doctor who had just walked in. "When are they letting me out?"

"You should be out by the end of the day. We'll just have to run some tests."

"Do you have somewhere to stay?" Lorelai asked.

I eyed her suspiciously. "No."

"There're a few rooms open at the Dragonfly, if your interested."

It was too good to be true. "Why?"

"Because there's nobody in them."

"No, I mean, why are you being civil to be?"

She thought for a moment. "Because you saved my stuff and I believe a thanks are in order. And don't worry about money, it's on the house."

"Speaking of your stuff, you really should lock your doors."

"So Stars Hollow really does have a seedy underbelly."

"It's hard to believe."

"Is nothing sacred?"

"Damn you, Angelina Jolie!"

A few hours later I found myself out of the hospital and in front of the Dragonfly once again. With my bag slinging on my shoulder, I walked to the front desk.

"So Lorelai, does the offer still stand?"

"Hey Jess. Yeah of course it does. Here's the key and your in room 12. Michel will help you with your bag and show you to your room because the inn is the middle of a muffin crisis that I have to take care of ."

"A muffin crisis."

"Yeah, so enjoy your stay and I'll see you later. Oh, by the way, don't eat the muffins!"

"Um, ok."

I followed Michel quietly to my room. Some things are better left unexplained.

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AN: So what did you think? Jess and Lorelai had to make peace somehow. Please review! 


	6. Getting Her Out of My Head

AN: So I started this story a couple years ago and just forgot about it. Here's my attempt at continuing it.

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The room was nice enough, not too plain like a motel but not too embellished like a bed and breakfast. There was a bed, a dresser, a night stand, some wall hangings, and a phone. A phone. I abruptly remembered Rory and found her number on the small, folded paper in my pocket. I wasn't still hung up on her, but the idea of my first love getting married was still sinking in. I decided to consciously let it go.

The next few days were generally uneventful. I spent most of the time indoors, either at Luke's or the Dragonfly, finishing up my work. It seemed odd that, though I spent a lot of my time at the two places that Rory has been known to frequent, I didn't run into her. I thanked whatever luck I had that she hadn't appeared, not because I didn't want to see her, but my decision to consciously not think about her for the time being would not be helped by her appearing up wherever I turned. No, it was better this way. Still, I couldn't help but mentioning my observation to Luke.

"Well, she spends most of her time in Hartford, you know, with the wedding coming up and all."

Of course. I couldn't expect her to stay in Stars Hollow with her mother forever. Except, in a way I did. She and Lorelai were always so close and I found it difficult to imagine them apart.

"How does Lorelai feel about this?" I couldn't help but ask.

"She's fine. I mean she's lonely but she got used to it when Rory was at Yale so that helped the transition," Luke replied.

This made sense. I had temporarily forgotten about Rory's time away from home at Yale. I sat down at the nearest table and winced as my head throbbed.

"You ok?" Luke asked. Inwardly I smiled at his concern. When I was younger, he was the only one I ever thought expressed genuine concern about me, aside from Rory. At the time, it aggravated me because any form of care or concern meant that my failure would disappoint him, not just me. I knew that I didn't want to be responsible for disappointing Luke.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just sat down a little to fast. The doctor said this would happen for at least a few days. That little bastard hit me hard."

"That was a good thing you did, Jess. You didn't have to go in there and stop that guy, but you did and that..." he paused.

"Luke, it wasn't a big deal. Anyone would've done the same thing."

"Not anyone. Would you have done it six or seven years ago?"

Luke brought up an interesting point. Would the 17-year-old version of me have gone into Lorelai's house to stop that guy? I want to say yes, but I'm not sure that's true. I'm not sure I could have put aside my contemp for Lorelai long enough to help her.

"I don't know," I told Luke.

"I think you've come a long way, Jess."

Luke was counting on me not to screw up again. He put his faith in me and this time I was determined not to disappoint him.

Just then the door opened, letting Lorelai and Rory in.

"Hey Luke, hey Jess," Rory greeted us both happily, like old times.

Lorelai echoed her greeting and said my name with an unfamiliar enthusiasm that surprised me. I'd already grown accustomed to hearing her say my name with disdain or even not at all.

"How are you doing?" she asked me.

"I'm alright, just can't make any sudden movements yet."

"The doctor said you should be fine soon. Right as rain," she laughed nervously.

"Right as rain?" Rory mouthed to her questioningly. Lorelai shrugged her shoulders. Apparently this new interaction had her a little uncomfortable as well.

"Coffee?" I was thankful for Luke's interruption as it swept us away from the current awkward conversation.

"Oh God yes!" Lorelai said, too quickly. Clearly she too was thankful for Luke's save.

He stopped just as he was about to pour the coffee. "Wait."

"Wait? Wait what? Coffee cannot wait. I wants to be in my mug."

"How many cups have you had today?"

"I've only had...five."

"Five?" He prodded.

Her voice shrank. "Plus four?"

"Decaf," he said firmly.

"Luke no!"

The bantering continued on like this for who knows how long. I stopped listening. Rory was watching them also, perhaps too intensely, focusing all her attention on the verbal sparring before us. Her beautiful blue eyes were something that I'd never forgotten— how they shined when she smiled, blazed when she was angry. Most of all I remembered how they glazed over with disappointment and hurt. Its something I wish I didn't remember. This is the most vivid in my mind because of the affect her pain had on me. Knowing I had caused it was almost unbearable. Every time she looked at me with those glassy eyes she seared into my being. Before I could move on to her milky skin or chestnut hair, her blue eyes turned to me, this time tentatively.

"Hey," I said stupidly.

"Hey yourself."

"Um, I can get you something if you want. I still remember where things are."

"Yeah ok. Cheeseburger, fries, and a coffee please," her pink lips curved into a smile.

"Only cuz you said 'please'."

I prepared her meal and got an identical one for myself, sans the coffee.

"Shall we?"

"We shall."

We sat down at the furthest table from the counter, where Lorelai and Luke were still going at it. I really didn't feel like listening to them flirt.

"Salt and pepper dip?" I offered Rory a small container filled with the dip.

She giggled. Her giggles soon erupted into a laugh.

"Rory, what has Nancy Reagan taught you about drugs?"

"That reminded me of— remember that time when I was home with Paris and you brought over a care package from Luke's?"

I too laughed lightly at the memory. "Yeah, I do. You invited me to sit down and eat with you guys and then...

She interrupted me mid-sentence. "No, no. I did not invite you to sit down and eat, you invited yourself! You sat down and I couldn't get you to leave. All I said was 'take whatever you want."

"I was a hungry boy," I grinned knowingly. "Ok, maybe you didn't invite me, but you didn't want me to leave, did you?"

Her cheeks turned noticeably red and she cracked a smile. "Yes and no," she admitted. "I was still a little torn at that point. When Dean came, I freaked out. I didn't know what to do."

"How _did_ you get out of that one?"

"Paris saved me. She told Dean that I invited you over because she liked you."

"Paris? Wow. I didn't know she had it in her. Whatever happened to her?"

"Harvard med-school. She and her boyfriend live in an apartment close by."

"Good for her. Though, personally, I think Paris is the last person I want holding a scalpel."

"Yeah she's a little...intense. But she was the only friend I made at Chilton and we still talk. She means well— some of the time."

We slowly finished our burgers, continuing to reminisce about our past. I walked her home and Luke and Lorelai continued their endless conversation. Maybe they, too, were reminiscing.

"Mom, you coming?" Rory asked.

"No, honey, you go ahead without me. I'll meet you at the house."

As we walked I wracked my brains trying to think back to the last time I walked Rory home.

"Do you remember the last time I walked you home?" I asked her.

"Um...actually I don't."

"Yeah, me neither. I'm not sure I've ever walked you all the way home. I always stopped a little before your house."

"Well you and Lorelai weren't the best of friends."

"True."

We continued to walk I felt the crisp night breeze brush through my hair. I saw it blow Rory's hair back revealing her soft, warm face. She really was beautiful. The way the moonlight hit her skin. The way her shirt hugged her slim waist. The way her slender, smooth hands fell to her side. I found myself wishing those hands were on me. The memory of how it felt to be 17 and in her arms was overwhelming. The memory of how I lost those arms was too much to bear. How I treated her like dirt, how I left without a word— it all came flooding back. Not that it had been forgotten. On the contrary, it had been in the back of my mind for many years. I suddenly felt the sudden need to apologize and possibly explain myself, if I could.

"Rory," I gulped.

She stopped and turned to me. The squeak in my voice must have given away my nerves.

"I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry," I blurted out.

Her forehead crinkled in confusion. "For what?"

There's no way she could have been unclear about what I was talking about, but I explained myself anyway.

"For treating you like shit; for running away without telling you— for you and me. You didn't deserve it and I didn't deserve you." Self-deprecation was always one of my strong points. In this case, I felt it was not uncalled for.

"I forgive you for everything but you and me. That's something I'll never regret." With those parting words she walked through her front doors, closing them behind her.

A huge weight had been lifted from me. She forgave me. I smiled as I let the thought sink in. I replayed her words over and over in my head and my heart leaped every time I played back her last sentence. Finally, I stepped back from myself and froze in panic. I'd done something I swore I would not do. I fell in love with Rory Gilmore.

Oh shit.

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AN: More to come... 


	7. Falling From the Sky

AN: Chapter 7. Enjoy.

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I woke up later than I had planned the next morning and headed to Luke's a little before noon. Rory's words were still making my head spin. Her forgiveness was something I thought I would never get— partly because I never thought I'd see her again. Coming back was not my plan. I didn't think my path in life would ever lead me to Stars Hollow again. It was, after all, a place I despised. Still, her forgiveness was shocking, especially after how things ended between us. I guess the saying is right, time heals all wounds.

I left the Dragonfly and floated toward Luke's for lunch. Try as I might, I could not get myself down from cloud nine and, even worse, I wasn't sure I really wanted to. My mind knew that Rory was getting married and that dwelling on our discussion the previous night could lead to no good. However, my heart didn't seem to care. It ached with the overwhelming joy and misery of unreciprocated love. It was a feeling I knew too well.

My mind was still trying to repress these feelings as I walked past Weston's, where the view through the window suddenly relieved my mind of its duty. I saw Rory and Alex sitting at a table with at least a dozen cakes in front of them. Evidently they were tasting samples for the wedding. Rory took a bite of one of the cakes and scrunched her face. Alex chuckled at her apparent displeasure with the cake. The fall from cloud nine was a long, hard one. I woke myself from the daze and realized that they could probably see me if they happened to look this way. I ran to the corner as fast I could without drawing attention to myself and soon arrived at Luke's, struggling to catch my breath.

"Hey Jess, something wrong?" He asked.

"What? Why would something be wrong?" I replied, a little too quickly.

"I don't know, you're the one who came in here breathing like you just ran a marathon."

"Oh yeah...well I just thought that I'd go for a jog. It's such a nice day and all..." I breathed heavily and plopped myself onto the nearest chair.

"I find it hard to believe that you, of all people, were going for a jog and in jeans...you know what? Never mind. I don't wanna know."

I was thankful that he dropped the subject.

"You want anything to eat?" he asked.

"Just a burger and fries."

"Are you sure? You wouldn't want to lose your figure," Luke grinned.

"Ha ha ha," I replied.

A few minutes later he walked out of the kitchen with my food in hand.

"Listen, Jess. I hate to ask but the guy that I had helping out at the diner just quit so I was wondering if you could help out here for a while, you know just till I can find someone."

"Sure, no problem."

"Really? I thought this would take more convincing. Can you come in for the dinner rush tonight?"

"Yeah I'll be here."

"Good. Thanks," he said.

I wanted to ask more questions about Alex and Rory, but I was unsure of how to ask without raising suspicion. I gave it a try anyway.

"So, I saw Rory and Alex today at Weston's," I began, lamely.

"Oh yeah? That's...good, I guess." He was clearly unsure of where I was headed with this, while I was unsure of how I would get there.

"Yeah, um, they were tasting cake for their wedding or something." I tried to sound as nonchalant as possible but was failing miserably. Luckily, Luke didn't question me.

He only chuckled in response.

"What?" I asked, paranoid that he would discovery my secret.

"Sookie's making their cake."

"Then why were they in Weston's?"

"I don't know, they're probably just getting free samples."

I smiled. That was probably Lorelai's idea. At least it sounded very Lorelai.

"So when is the big day?" I questioned, cooly.

"Actually, I don't think its for six or so months. They're testing cakes a little early." Luke shrugged his shoulders.

He may not have cared either way, but I did. I was just about to continue my interrogation when the door to Luke's open. I didn't look back, dreading what I might see if I did. Sure enough I heard Rory's familiar voice laughing with Alex's more unfamiliar one.

"I can't believe you asked for take-home samples!" Alex told her.

"Don't tell me you're surprised! My mom would have never forgiven me if I hadn't."

"But what are we going to do with all this cake?"

"Eat of course," Rory replied. I half expected a "duh" to follow.

"All of it?" he persisted.

"Please, this is nothing. Didn't I ever tell you about the time my mom and I had four Thanksgiving dinners?"

"Yeah but I figured you were just exaggerating."

"I never exaggerate about food."

I smirked at the exchange. It seemed like Alex knew nothing about her. Rory's ability to eat was something basic about her. I wasn't at all surprised by the take home sample wedding cakes.

"Hey Rory. Alex," Luke said as soon as they stopped getting to know each other.

"Hey Luke," the couple replied pleasantly.

"Can I get you two anything?"

"No, I think we're alright," Alex answered, finding an open table and setting the cakes in front of him.

"Actually, I..." Rory began, but just as she did Luke's attention was diverted to Taylor Doose who was right outside the diner flanked by two men in white with paint rollers in hand. He was holding up what looked like paint swatches to the outside walls of the diner.

"Jess, can you take their order? Sorry Rory," he told her as he stormed toward the door. "Taylor! What the hell are you doing?!"

My presence before that had gone unnoticed, but I knew my invisibility couldn't last forever. I put my burger down and walked toward their table.

"Hi Jess," Rory squeaked.

"Hi Rory," I replied, as cooly as I could. I nodded toward Alex and he responded likewise. "Okay, so what can I get you?"

"I"m alright, but Rory, you wanted something?"

"Cheeseburger with everything, fries, coffee, a slice of apple pie, and a salad."

"Seriously?" Alex asked in a stunned voice.

"A salad?" I asked, equally stunned.

She looked at me and smiled wide. "Of course not, I was just trying to throw you off."

"Nice try, but I know you a little too well for that, Rory Gilmore." I smiled back at her and held eye contact maybe a little too long.

I couldn't help but smirk to myself as I walked to the kitchen to give Ceaser the order. My last comment had been intentional, a small blow to the fiance's ego. Knock him off his high horse and let him know that I knew Rory that he didn't know. A Rory that had continually proven that she could eat twice her weight in food. A Rory whose mom was her best friend. A Rory who cut school and took a bus to New York because she wanted to say goodbye. Then again, my claim could be turned around just as easily. Alex knew a Rory I didn't know. Afterall, I hadn't been around in years. How could I claim to know her better than her own fiancé? If I knew anything about Rory, I knew that she was too smart to jump into something as big as a marriage without being sure. At least that's what I thought. The small high I got from showing him up disintegrated with these new thoughts and before I knew it I was right back on square one.

When I came back to their table with Rory's food Alex was getting ready to leave.

"I've got to get to work," he said as he kissed her quickly on the lips.

"On the weekend?" she pouted.

"I'm a busy man."

"Have a great day. Oh, can you drop these off with my mom before you go?" She handed him the boxes of cake.

"Sure. Call me when you get home."

The door opened and closed and he was gone.

"So, can I join you?"

"Go ahead."

I pulled up a seat.

"You know, I remember when you and your mom ate four Thanksgiving dinners."

"Yeah, that was an adventure. And we still had room for rolls."

"I have to say that was one of your more impressive accomplishments."

"I like to think so."

Of course, I wasn't really dwelling on the eating part of that particular Thanksgiving. That was the day the first time she kissed me in public. A real kiss, not just a peck and not in a corner or an alley. And it was in front of Dean, no less. Though she didn't know that. He threatened me after he witnessed our kiss, but I don't think it had the effect he was hoping for. Instead of making me angry, it made me happy. Knowing that Dean and I had switched roles was one of the most satisfying feelings I'd experienced in my young life.

"Wow, what is going on outside?"

"You know how Luke and Taylor argue," she said distractedly.

"No, I mean behind them."

She looked up and saw what I saw: thousands of lights being set up around the gazebo and a huge pile of wood mounted near the center of the square.

"Oh no! I can't believe I forgot about the Firelight Festival! I go every year, why didn't anyone remind me?"

"I should have known. This town and its crazy festivals," I said, remembering the countless times streets were closed for these ridiculous events.

"Yeah, you never were one for town events."

"That's not entirely true," I smirked. "I participated in a few."

"Bidding on a basket to get to me hardly counts as participating," she said with a smile.

"Well, I sure donated a lot of money at that event, and for what? Spoiled leftovers?" My face scrunched involuntarily as I remembered how disgusting that food was.

"No! For my company, of course. The spoiled leftovers were just an added bonus."

It was worth it. I had always considered it our first date, as lame as that sounds.

"Well, what about the Winter Carnival? I went to that!."

"And we both know how well that went."

"It didn't go too bad," I claimed, but I knew it wasn't true.

"It was a disaster! I was sure that you and Dean were going to kill each other."

"Yeah, me too." I thought for a moment. "Hey, are you and Alex going to the firelight festival?"

"Umm, I don't know. Alex probably won't want to, he's not really into the whole small town thing."

I had to fight to keep down the smile growing on my lips. "I can't believe that you're not going. You never miss an event."

"I try not to and I do love the Firelight Festival..."Rory began.

"Come on!" I prodded. "If you go, I'll go. It'll be fun, we can catch up some more."

"Well..."

I held my breath.

"Okay. You talked me into it. I've got to go now, but I'll meet you in front of Luke's at eight. Don't be late, or we'll miss the best part!"

"I wouldn't dream of it."

"I'll see you then."

"See you."

I watched as she got in her car and drove away. I turned away from the window because the uncontrollable joy I was feeling was reflecting on my face. All I need was for Miss Patty to see me and start gossiping. It was funny how seven years or so later I was in the same situation. I was in love with Rory and she was in love with someone else. Funny, if funny meant completely unfair and annoying. Yes, same situation. Though, this time, the outcome would be different.

I hoped.

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AN: Let me know what you think. I'll try and update soon. 


	8. Repeats and Revelations

AN: Here's chapter 8. Sorry it took me so long.

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Later that night, after I closed down the diner, I watched the start of the festivities and waited for Rory to appear. Children were skipping around in star outfits. I assumed that they were in the show and hoped, for the kids' sakes, that their parents had not dressed them like that voluntarily. Several minutes passed by and still no sign of Rory. It wasn't like her to be late, but that may have been something that changed about her. My experience with her punctuality was a little outdated. The clock kept ticking and it was now twenty minutes past eight. I checked my phone–maybe I had missed her call. Nothing. I was starting to worry she had come to her senses and changed her mind. Or maybe she forgot–for some reason that scenario was more painful to think about. I turned to get my coat when I heard the door chimes ring.

"Hello stranger," Rory said.

When I saw her my heart stopped and I did all I could to stop my jaw from dropping. She was gorgeous. She was wearing a blue strapless dress that brought out her eyes beautifully and her chestnut hair in loose waves falling just past her bare shoulders. Her soft lips were the perfect shade of pink.

"Rory...wow, um, you look...wow." One syllable at a time was all I could handle.

Her cheeks flushed. "Oh, I didn't have time to change– dinner with the grandparents. Sorry I'm late, but I had some trouble getting out early."

"No worries. Suddenly I feel very underdressed," I said, looking down at my ripped jeans and leather jacket.

"No, I should have brought a change of clothes."

"So you're still having dinner with the grandparents? I remember those."

"Yeah, well, you made quite an impression."

"I always do."

I led her out the diner and we headed toward the unlit bonfire where everyone in town was gathered.

"So what exactly is this festival about?"

"You've been to the Firelight Festival, haven't you?"

"I was never one for Stars Hollow's loony celebrations."

"So why the change of heart, Mr. Mariano?" she smiled.

"No change, just spending time with an old friend."

"Is that what we are?" She almost whispered as she said it.

"No, it's not. I'm not sure we've ever really been friends."

"What do you mean?"

I regretted those words as soon as I said them. They stirred up issues and feelings that were best left still.

"So you haven't explained the festival to me, what's all this craziness about?" I prayed that she went along with the new topic.

She eyed me suspiciously, but thankfully didn't push it. "Its about the founding of the town, but really, it's a story about true love. A boy and a girl from different towns fall in love, but they live far apart and their parents don't approve. One night, they both ran away from home into the dark. It was so dark that they got lost. Suddenly, a group of stars appeared and they followed them. They met up in what is now Stars Hollow."

"Ah, Shakespeare with a twist of Jesus?"

"As far as I'm concerned they stole the themes from us."

"Of course, that's the only logical explanation."

"You know, I could've sworn I saw you at the Firelight Festival."

"This is all new to me."

Before she could think about it further, Taylor took the mic.

"Welcome to the 42nd annual Founder's Firelight Festival! Tonight we commemorate the birth of out town and people who..."

He went on to tell the story that Rory had just explained to me, except with many more embellishments. Only Stars Hollow would have just a whimsical story for their founding. I couldn't imagine New York beginning with two young lovers. Getting the bonfire lit was quite the project as Kirk forgot the matches. Luckily someone in the crowd had a lighter. The fire was warm and bright, its orange and red embers burning strong.

"A lot of memories have been made at this festival," Rory mentioned, breaking me out of my trance.

"Yeah? Like what?"

"Dean and I broke up while it was going on."

"What? I thought you guys broke up at the dance marathon."

"We did, but the first time we broke up was here. He told me he loved me and I couldn't say it back."

"What else happened during this festival? You said 'a lot of memories'."

"Um...it's also when...when you told me you loved me," she stared at the fire as she said this, afraid to look me in the eye.

"Oh." I did remember seeing stars that night, but didn't realize they were the kind small children could run around in. "And then I was gone." Might as well finish the story.

"And then you were gone."

The silence that filled the space between us was deafening. I had never understood the phrase until that moment. Though it felt like it lasted forever, it probably only lasted about a minute. She was the first to break the silence.

"What did you mean before when you said we were never really friends?"

I knew this question would come sooner or later. "I liked you from the moment I saw you, it was instant. We flirted every time we spoke. We flirted and fought, but we were never really friends. At least on my end, we were a little more than friends."

She remained quiet, watching me, unreadable. I couldn't gage what she was thinking or if she at all agreed with me. I had two options: wait or recant my statement. I chose the latter.

"Maybe I'm wrong. I must be looking at it with too much hindsight. Just, um, just forget I said it."

I went back to staring at the fire. It was somehow soothing. There was something about the absolute clarity with which the flames engulfed the wood was calming. At least something around me was predictable. Rory was fairly predictable when I knew her all those years ago, but once in a while she'd surprise me. Sure, with everyday things like her mom or school she was an open book. There were times when I thought I had her pegged, but I never could have predicted the kiss at Sookie's wedding or the end of the dance marathon.

"No." Her voice broke my thoughts.

"Excuse me?"

"You're not wrong about any of it. How can we expect to be friends again when we've never been friends in the first place?"

"I guess we'll just have to start again."

"We can't start again, there's too much there to pretend nothing happened."

"You're right, so what do you propose we do?"

"First I think we should get out of here, people are starting to stare."

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, but the second I looked around us I saw it was true. I half-expected Miss Patty to be taking notes so that she could get the story right when she reached a phone.

"Oh, don't mind us. We weren't listening or anything...really," Kirk told us through the microphone.

"Thanks Kirk, but I think we'll have to leave the Big Brother house for now," Rory replied as she led me out of the festival.

"Okay, have it your way," Kirk said, clearly disgruntled.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"I was thinking Luke's. Is that alright?"

"Yeah, your mom convinced Luke to go to the festival so I think he'll be out for a while."

We reached Luke's apartment above the diner in no time, considering the festival was practically across the street. Nothing was really far in Stars Hollow anyway.

"Alone at last." She froze, conscious of what she had just said. "Not that we need to be alone...or that I've wanted too be alone."

"Right." The awkwardness between us was overwhelming. To think it was only triggered by three little words. I had to do something about it. "Want something to drink? Coffee?"

"That sounds good."She sat down on the couch. "The apartment really hasn't changed, has it?"

"No, but that's Luke. God forbid he buy a plant or something."

I brought her the coffee as soon as it was done and sat down next to her. It appears that this was my fatal mistake, or perhaps my greatest accomplishment. The couch sunk in the center and the two of us fell on each other ungracefully. Our faces were about an inch apart.

"I'm sor..."

I was beginning to apologize when her lips interrupted me. She kissed me hard. It took me only a split second to react because I had learned from the kiss at Sookie's wedding–if I didn't act fast I might not have been able to act at all. I deepened the kiss and she still wasn't running. My tongue brushed her lips and I was granted access immediately. She tasted the same as she had all those years ago, her kiss was just as emotionally charged as it had ever been. As she ran her hands up and down my back, I felt like was going to explode. I put my arms around her and kissed her still more intensely, bruising our lips. My hands grazed her already bare back and I pressed my body against her's, but I couldn't get close enough. Her delicate hands inched downward toward the hem of my shirt and began lifting it up, to my surprise. This was a Rory I had never dealt with before, a grown up Rory. A moan accidentally escaped my lips and as soon as it did she tensed in my arms. I braced myself for the worst, knowing that it would eventually come. She pulled away and got up from the couch in one swift motion.

"Oh my God!"

"Rory!"

"This can't be happening! I'm getting married!" She was clearly panicked, pacing across the room. Any attempt to calm her down would have been futile, but I had to try.

"Rory stop!" I grabbed her shoulders and held her in place. We were face to face again and I saw her panic stricken face.

My next words were regrettable at best. The timing probably wasn't right, but I thought it was now or never.

"I love you."

Her face adopted a new element of horror. I couldn't have expected another reaction. Tears were beginning to fall from her eyes and she pulled away from me for the second time that night.

"NO!"

"Rory!"

"NO! This can't be happening! You don't know what you're saying!"

"I've never been so sure about anything. I thought I was over you, but I'm not! I was just fooling myself."

"No. You can't say anything about this to anyone! Please," she pleaded.

It was like I was living in an instant replay. I blinked back the tears forming in my eyes. She was ripping my heart out.

"Please don't do this to me, Rory. Not again." My voice was starting to crack.

"I'm sorry, Jess." Three little words and she was out the door and, once again, I was left alone with my thoughts.

The kiss was surprising. The aftermath was not.

Rory, the Olympic sprinter.

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AN: How was that? Please tell me what you think. 


	9. Do You Love Him?

AN: I think this fic will only last one more chapter. Enjoy!

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My heart fell to the floor. I'm not sure what I was expecting to happen, but somehow I thought that because we were older we would deal with our actions in a more adult way. I didn't expect her to run away pleading with me to keep our kiss a secret like a teenager. At least now I knew that my feelings were not completely one sided; even if she didn't love me, she felt for me. Otherwise she wouldn't have kissed me, right? At the moment I wasn't sure of anything.

"Rory are you ok? What's wrong?" I heard Luke's voice coming from the stairs. He must have run into Rory on his way back home. Great.

The door flew open and Luke appeared his expression a mixture of confusion and rage and I was sure that at least one of the veins protruding from his forehead was going to burst. It was yet another aspect of the situation that was reminiscent of high school.

"JESS! What the hell did you do!?"

"NOTHING!" I yelled. I was sick of being blamed for things that weren't in my control.

"Really?! Is that why she ran away from here crying?"

"That's none of your business."

"You know what, Jess? Rory is like a daughter to me so if it involves Rory it's my business!"

"She's an adult; she can take care of herself! She doesn't need this whole town watching her all the time!"

"We all care about her, Jess."

"Well stop caring! It's too much, it's just too much! I shouldn't have come back." I grabbed my coat and headed for the door.

"Where are you going?!"

"Out!" I slammed the door.

I went outside expecting to be alone with my thoughts but instead found myself amidst the many drunken stragglers of the Firelight Festival. Instead of trying to make my way past them I chose to go back to Luke's and brood.

It wasn't fair. I'd forgotten how miserable she made me at times. I felt like everything I did was wrong and everything she did was right. Still, I was in love and it frustrated me that, once again, it was unreciprocated. The story of my life.

"Jess?" Luke was headed down the stairs.

"Leave me alone."

"What happened?"

"Why would I tell you? So you can tell me that it's all my fault? So you can tell me to stay away from her?"

He paused for a moment, possibly for the first time considering the prospect that I was not the guilty party. "I'm sorry, I was just…"

"Assuming the worst?"

"Yeah. Old habit."

I thought for a moment about whether or not I should give in. It might help clear my head to talk to someone and I couldn't think of a better person.

"Okay." I proceeded to tell him about the incident, careful to leave out the unnecessary personal details.

"Wow," Luke said when I was done.

"I don't know what, but I've got to do something. I can't just let the love of my life get married without a fight."

"But what makes you think you're the love of her life? You're not the one she's getting married too."

This had not gone unrealized on my part. I knew that there was a strong chance that she would not love me back. "What do you think I should do?"

He thought for a moment. "Honestly? Leave it alone. She's getting married. If she wanted to be with you she wouldn't have run away."

"You'd think so, wouldn't you? But that's what Rory does."

"Listen, she obviously loves Alex so just drop it."

"If she loves him so much then why did she kiss me?"

"She's probably just nervous about the wedding."

My hopes were high until my talk with Luke. He scaled everything down for me and I was suddenly feeling pretty miserable. Maybe Luke was right; maybe I shouldn't even bother. Then again, when was the last time Luke had a steady girlfriend?

"You weren't there, Luke. I don't think that was it." She kissed me with intent, with conviction. It wasn't just cold feet. She meant it.

"Can I crash here tonight? I don't really feel like freezing my ass on the way back to the Dragonfly."

"Yeah, sure. I'll get you a blanket for the couch."

The next morning I awoke to the smell of Luke's coffee and the clamor of pots and pans in the kitchen. The breakfast rush was in full force. I'd never seen so many families with multiple children in my life.

"Need help?" I asked cooly as he passed by balancing four dishes in his arms.

"That would be nice. Refill coffees, I haven't had a chance."

I fell into the rhythm of the diner refilling coffees, taking orders, ringing up checks. The tips were especially good. Apparently when 3 year olds throw their eggs and syrup soaked pancakes at you while screaming louder than humanly possible, their parents feel obligated to tip generously.

The rush came and went and there was no sign of Rory. The door opened and I instinctively looked up, hoping it was her.

"Luke! Need coffee!" Lorelai shouted as she stumbled dramatically toward the counter. Not Rory, but close. I grabbed the biggest mug in the diner and poured her a cup.

"You're not Luke," she said suspiciously.

"Good job Nancy Drew, tell me another."

"I need Luke to pour my coffee."

"Why?"

"He pours it better."

"I'm his nephew, the coffee pouring gene runs in the family."

She looked dubious.

"I've given you the biggest mug within a twenty mile radius, just say thank you."

"Were you out of bowls?" Her expression feigned innocence.

"Lorelai…"

"Thank you," she said with a smile, holding the mug to her nose.

"So what is it that's got you in desperate need of Luke-poured coffee?"

"Oh, just some wedding stuff."

"Wedding stuff, huh?" I tried to sound as nonchalant as possible, but failed miserably. Thankfully Lorelai was too busy gulping down her coffee to notice.

"Yeah, Rory had her dress altered but the tailor let out the seam instead of taking it in. To top it off she didn't even touch the hem. I would normally do it myself but I've just been so busy with the inn."

"That's unfortunate."

"You're telling me! This isn't even the only thing going wrong. None of the bridesmaids dresses have been altered yet and all of them need it. The florist is having trouble finding orchids—at this time of year? You've got to be kidding me! The invitations read 'Lauren Gilmore.' Rory flipped. This wedding's bordering on disaster, it's unnatural."

"Yeah, that sounds crazy," I replied, absorbing all the new information.

"But Rory's probably already told you about all this." I quickly realized that Lorelai had no idea about the kiss or its aftermath.

"Oh yeah, most of it." I wasn't about to fill her on the details.

I busied myself cleaning tables and taking the orders of the very few people in the diner. The sound of Lorelai arguing on the phone soon filled the almost empty diner.

"What do you mean you lost it? Michel, calm down. Where did you see it last? Did you check the kitchen? All the desk drawers? Okay, just sit tight and I'll be there in a bit." She headed for the door but turned back right before she reached it.

"Shit!"

"What's wrong?"

"Michel's panicking because he lost the reservation book at the inn. Would you do me a massive favor?"

"Sure." Never agree to do someone a favor before you know what it is. You'd think I would know that already.

"Could you pick up Rory from my parent's house? She's there getting her dress altered and I was supposed to pick her up. You remember where it is, right?"

"Um, yeah. I can leave Caesar in charge."

"Thank you so much, this is a big help!"

I stood standing in the diner for a second in shock about what I'd just gotten myself into. Every remotely logical thought in my head screamed _what the hell are you doing!_ Oh well, it was already too late to back out. Unfortunately it didn't seem likely that Emily had forgotten me. The car ride there was filled with things that could go wrong. The Gilmore house was more ominous than I remembered, but that could have been my nerves speaking. I finally gathered enough courage to ring the doorbell and was relieved when a maid answered the door.

"Hi I'm here for Rory Gilmore, Mrs. Gilmore's granddaughter."

"Of course. She's in the living room with Miss Celine."

"Who?"

No answer. Cautiously I followed her to the sitting room where I was forced to stop in my tracks. Rory stood on a pedestal in front of me with her wedding dress on as a woman pinned the bottom and fussed over her veil. It was the largest white dress I'd ever seen. Ruffles and bows covered from the waist down, but in an elegant way. I'm more than sure it was latest in couture fashions. She looked absolutely gorgeous, but the dress wasn't her. It was too much.

"James Dean! Look Sabrina, it's James Dean!"

"Excuse me?" Why was she calling Rory "Sabrina?"

"Jess…what are you doing here?" she asked, ignoring the woman who I assumed with Miss Celine.

"Um…hi." She continued to stare at me expecting an answer. "Your mom had a thing she had to do at the inn. She asked me to pick you up."

"Well you don't have to. I can just take the bus."

"Heavens no, dear!" Miss Celine chimed in. "A young woman such as yourself should not take public transportation. Mrs. Walter Cronkite and I had this same discussion years ago. We've been friends since the Big Bang you know."

"'Thank you for going out of your way to pick me up, Jess' would have been an acceptable response."

"I'll be awhile."

"I can wait."

"What about the diner?"

"Caesar's in charge."

"Sabrina, if your fiancé wants to drive you home, by all means let him." Miss Celine had been watching us like a tennis match.

"He's not my fiancé." Rory responded a little too quickly.

"Oooh James! Will you be attending the wedding?"

She caught me off guard. "I, uh…"

"Of course you will! In that case, we've got to get you a handsome suit. Weddings are a fabulous place to meet women. It shouldn't be too hard for a gorgeous man like you! I gave the same advice to Jimmy Stewart, but he was just so stubborn!"

It may have just been my, but I could have sworn I saw Rory twitch out of the corner of my eye.

"Miss Celine, I'm not sure Jess and I really have time for him to get fitted for a suit."

"Oh, that's unfortunate. Well I'll give you my card and if you ever need a good outfit call me. Clothes are my life, James. But remember, I do know some very nice, single young ladies who would be delighted to meet a gorgeous young man like you."

"I'll make a note of that. Thank you, Miss Celine." I put my best smile on. Rory was definitely annoyed by this point. She may have even rolled her eyes.

About a half hour later we said our goodbyes to Miss Celine and walked to the car. Relief washed through me as I closed the car door—Emily Gilmore had not made an appearance. I tried to talk to Rory on the ride home but she would have none of it so I opted to sit in silence until we got to Stars Hollow.

"Bye Jess. Thanks for the ride," she said quietly as she reached for the door.

I quickly tapped my automatic lock.

"Not so fast, Gilmore."

"Hey! What are you doing?"

"Were you just going to ignore the kiss that happened between us?"

"Jess! Do we have to do this right now?"

"Oh I'm sorry. When would be more convenient for you?"

"Stop it!"

"I know, I'll just catch you on your way down the aisle!"

"Jess!"

"What Rory?! You can't sit there and tell me that you felt nothing!"

"I…I don't know."

"That's not true."

"Okay Jess, you want the truth?! Kissing you made me feel… alive.

"You can't just tell me that and act like it means nothing."

"I'm getting married."

"Do you love him?"

"Of course I do."

"Do you love him like I love you? Does he make you feel alive?"

Tears were gathering in her eyes.

"It's not enough. Love isn't enough. I could say I love you until I turn blue but that changes nothing. We'd still be us. We don't work together, Jess."

"We were kids, Rory. Wait, are you saying you love me? "

She was silent. Her watery blue eyes turned to me and she leaned in. Her lips pressed lightly against mine.

"Goodbye Jess," she whispered as she opened the car door. I felt my eyes water and tried my best to blink them away as I watched her walk into her house.

That was it. Goodbye Rory.

* * *

AN: Let me know what you think.


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